Flight is an acclimation of the soul.
SCP-9460
Item #: SCP-9460
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9460 is allowed free roaming within the gardens of Provisional Site-89. Standard Staff checkups are to be performed bi-weekly to assess SCP-9460's mental state. During these checkups, SCP-9460 is to be allowed to shoot at least 5 items from its trebuchet within reason for sustained motor control exercises.
Description: SCP-9460 is a Petraria Arcatinus catapult that identifies itself as "Terry Ian The Seventh." SCP-9460 is capable of speech, perceiving its surroundings, and moving independently. SCP-9460 is fluent in English & French, also claiming to speak Spanish. SCP-9460 has displayed intelligence and reasoning skills equivalent to those of a young adult male, speaking in a tone similar to that of the nearest individual.
SCP-9460 possesses a distinct interest in competitive wrestling.
Discovery: SCP-9460 was discovered by agent Elliot Girard during a tour in Mayenne, France, organized by World Wrestling Entertainment, Incorporated. SCP-9460 was found approaching the audience of a live title fight, causing minor confusion. Agent Girard, who was nearby at the time, intercepted SCP-9460. He proceeded to remove his jacket, placing it on SCP-9460's trebuchet. After the jacket fired from the trebuchet and hit one of the wrestlers, Agent Girard steered a very distressed SCP-9460 away from the crowd, letting the fight continue as planned. No amnestics were provided to the audience due to the non-televised nature of the fight, as well as an announcement by the WWE that the event was scripted.
Agent Girard was commended for his handling of the situation and promoted to head consultant regarding SCP-9460 research until his transfer from France.
Addendum-1: Interview Log.
Following its discovery, SCP-9460 was led into the grasslands of a nearby church by agent Girard. Who proceeded to conduct an interview.
Date: 7/5/2026
Interviewed: SCP-9460
Interviewer: Dr. Agent Elliot Girard
[BEGIN LOG]
GIRARD continues to push SCP-9460 towards the church, its wheels getting stuck in the grass.
SCP-9460: [In French] Let go of me this instance, Coño!
GIRARD: No! We need to talk!
SCP-9460: You ruined the fight, you fucking cabrón! You’re a disgrace to the art of Lucha Libre!
GIRARD lets go of SCP-9460, panting as it begins to slowly steer back.
GIRDARD: Wait! What even are you?
SCP-9460: Someone not wanting to get kidnapped!
SCP-9460 speeds up and starts moving in a zigzag pattern.
GIRARD runs after it, managing to hold it by the trebuchet before slamming his feet into the dirt.
GIRARD: At least tell me your name!
SCP-9460: What makes you think you're worthy of hearing the name of the great Terry Ian The Seventh!
GIRARD: Uhh, thank you?
SCP-9460: Mierda!
SCP-9460 launches its trebuchet, sending GIRARD into a nearby bush.
GIRARD: You don’t even know what that means [coughs.]
SCP-9460 stops and turns around to face GIRARD
SCP-9460: [In English] How dare you?!
GIRARD: You knew English this whole time!?
SCP-9460: I didn’t want to use the tongue of my dirty kidnapper!
GIRARD: Holy racial profiling, regardless, you’re doing it now!
SCP-9460: That’s besides the point! How dare you accuse me of inauthenticity! I’ve been observing the grappling arts long before you!
GIRARD: I find that hard to believe since, [GIRARD makes an open palm gesture] you know…
SCP-9460 laughs.
SCP-9460: And I’m the one profiling, eh?
GIRARD: You’re a fucking siege weapon, not some kid from the slums of Madrid!
SCP-9460: Says the American! My wheels are more native to the land of España than your entire country!
GIRARD: You know what? You can tell that to the specialists!
[END LOG]
Addendum-2: Wrestling Log
Following the above interview, SCP-9460 was transferred to Provisional Site-89 with Dr. Paul Romulus assigned as its Head Researcher.
However, SCP-9460 was not properly declared contained due to its noncompliance and tendency to camouflage itself among various catapult replicas within the Site.
Containment was fully established after Dr. Romulus challenged SCP-9460 to a wrestling match per site intercom, which it accepted.
Date: 12/6/2026
Competitors: Dr. Paul Romulus, SCP-9460
[BEGIN COMBAT LOG]
Dr. Romulus stands in front of SCP-9460, currently disguised amongst a row of replicas. He was provided appropriate wrestling attire by [REDACTED] for testing.
SCP-9460 realizes this and moves away from the replicas, its trebuchet swinging upwards.
SCP-9460: Óle! You come to challenge me?!
ROMULUS: Isn't ole Brazillan?
SCP-9460 charges at Dr. Romulus, running him over.
[END LOG]
NOTE: Didn't know what I thought was gonna happen. If the ethics committee reads this, tell them my disability bonus is late.
Upon containment, testing revealed SCP-9460's composition to be consistent with non-anomalous catapults, and no signs of vectorial possession by ectoplasmic entities were detected.
Proper testing was approved shortly after Dr. Romulus was discharged from emergency care.
Addendum-3: Interview Log-2
Date: 12/6/2026
Interviewee: Dr. Paul Romulus
Interviewee: SCP-9460
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Romulus approaches SCP-9460, which was previously sleeping in a row of catapult replicas.
ROMULUS: Uh, hello? 9460?
SCP-9460 appears to wake up. Cocking its trebuchet multiple times as if stretching.
SCP-9460: You come to challenge me again? Your futile efforts will not end in vic-
Dr. Romulus puts his hands up.
ROMULUS: Hey, hey, hey, calm down. I'm just here to talk.
SCP-9460: And why should I talk to you, eh? You keep me prisoner here and expect model behavior? Mierda!
ROMULUS: I mean, we're both two wheels in a pod. Well, guess you have four wheels… and we aren't really in a pod.
SCP-9460 lowers its trebuchet.
SCP-9460: Oh.
ROMULUS: Yeah.
SCP-9460: For what it's worth, I did not mean to break your legs.
ROMULUS: Its fine, i mean you kinda crushed my spine too… but thats besides the point.
SCP-9460: So what is the point? Surely you have not come to idly chat.
ROMULUS: You'd be surprised. This is one of the few places you could do that in. Also, the only place I was qualified for.
SCP-9460: Nonsense! You are a doctora, no?
ROMULUS: Doctora is a female suffix, but no. The foundation gives out doctorates like hotcakes, or, in your case, empanadas. I've dabbled in world history and animal psychology, though.
SCP-9460 shakes its chassis sideways.
SCP-9460: Ah, so that's it.
ROMULUS: Thats what?
SCP-9460: You think I am from your little history books, eh? A reincarnated soul wandering la tierra?
ROMULUS: You certainly wouldn't be the first.
SCP-9460: Well, even if I were, I do not care for such a menial thing as my past life.
ROMULUS: Why? Do you regret it too much?
SCP-9460: Who said anything about regret? I have simply found better things to do.
ROMULUS: Like, lucha libre?
SCP-9460: You make it sound so simple, like a man who's never seen a songbird soar. Thinking it merely levitación.
ROMULUS: Was that supposed to be symbolic?
SCP-9460: Nothing is "supposed" to be symbolic. You may take it as you wish; now leave me. You've interrupted my night long enough.
ROMULUS: I'll be back.
[END LOG]
Addendum-4: Containment staff report.
Date: 4/7/2026
By: Dr. Paul Romulus.
Report: SCP-9460 has successfully performed a piledriver. We have rewarded it with a luchador mask.