Better save up your milk money. The boys are back in town.
Image taken from Training Exercise 874, recreation in modern setting of "Piggly Wiggly Killings."
Weapon discovered using billboard and specific subliminal triggers in Albertsons grocery store during escape of 1996.
Item #: SCP-9336
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-9336 is to be kept in a locked container at all times excepting approved training exercises with field personnel. Such exercises are to only occur when in conjunction with both approved military mobilization and associated needs, and with designated SCP-9336 enrichment activities designed by acting HECL supervisor on duty, as of this writing Walter Kamrose. All personnel injured by SCP-9336 are to report to the field medic, and all personnel killed in action are to buried in Arlington National Cemetery with full honors. An appropriate cover story will be created by the Publicity Department.
Description: SCP-9336 consists of two creatures resembling men. Moved to Site Black from Fort Leavenworth 1989. Origin is unknown, but both were discovered during an FBI raid on a meeting of the Valdez and Konstantinidis supermarket syndicates at a Dyker Heights restaurant in Brooklyn. They were found huddled in a storage room.
Item-1 is called Mr. Crouch. Item is extremely tall and thin, with a height of 7 feet 2 inches, pale blue eyes, large orthodontic appliances covering its teeth, messy brown hair and unusually long limbs. Item moves by floating over short distances by propelling itself off the ground, though the method by which it accomplishes this is unknown, as its legs do not move and have atrophied from such disuse. Item is nonverbal, but expresses interest in limited hobbies including home video games. Its habits and interests are otherwise quite limited (diet, for instance, consists only of unripe bananas and Malt-O-Meal). Item has no identification.
Item-2 is called Mr. Hopp. Item is squat and muscular, with a height of 3 feet 2 inches, bright green eyes covering pupils and sclera, an unusually wide mouth with an anomalously large number of sharp, serrated teeth, a bald scalp, and female genitalia. Item moves at an extremely quick pace, using its powerful legs to rapidly cover distance across vast areas up to 1 mile. Item is extremely knowledgable on the history of American supermarkets, demonstrating a wide range of information on subjects including global cuisines, history of American cookery, supply chain logistics, factory management techniques, and gang warfare. Item speaks with a distinct Chicago accent, and possesses identification in the form of a US passport, Utah driver’s license, and certificate of employability from the Nevada Gaming Commission, all under the name of “Jerry Hopp.”
Verified and Unverified Statements:
The following were offered by SCP-9336 Item-2 during debriefing and corroborated via aural assent by Item-1.
- SCP-9336 are paid contract killers for a number of worldwide criminal organizations.
- SCP-9336 have psionic powers.
- SCP-9336 are responsible for the so-called “Piggly Wiggly Killings” of 1977.
- SCP-9336 are "the most feared assassins in the greengrocer racket.”
- SCP-9336 were each born October 14, 1946.
- SCP-9336 see Michael Ebersole, today aged 84, of Boise, Idaho, as their "mother."
- SCP-9336 are married.
- SCP-9336 are not “exactly” human.
Research is ongoing as to these statements. Many are assumed to be lies.
The following have been determined by research staff.
- SCP-9336 possess psychopathic tendencies.
- SCP-9336 when prompted, can be freely homicidal.
- SCP-9336 can use any methods and weapons available to kill a target.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a gun.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a knife.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a poison.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a car.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a plane.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with an industrial machine.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a pointed stick.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a blender
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a VHS tape.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a cigarette.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a costume.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a chifferobe.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with an invoice.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a sippy cup.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a digital audio file.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a design.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a chase.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a retreat.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a descent.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a random roll of a pair of dice.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a sexual encounter.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a negative emotion.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with a logical argument.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with an algebraic equation.
- SCP-9336 can kill a target with an unripe banana (Item-1 only).
- SCP-9336 remember childhood play.
- SCP-9336 can be coaxed into childhood play as part of designated enrichment programming.
- SCP-9336’s hunts can be curtailed to mere attacks as part of designated enrichment programming.
- SCP-9336 display the highest levels of pleasure when ordered to hunt anyone involved in the food distribution industry.
- The only entities SCP-9336 have ever been unwilling to kill have been each other.